I am so nervous-excited to tell you guys this. So many of you have been on this journey with me, from preconception and preparing my body for a healthy pregnancy, to one of the darkest times in my life – when I miscarried, and I’m so thankful (okay, full disclosure – crying now) that you all will be on this new journey with me.
That’s right – I have a (gluten-free) bun in the oven. ANCESTRAL NUTRITION IS KNOCKED UP.
My husband and I are so thrilled, especially now that we’re out of the first trimester. I’ll be entering my 15th week of pregnancy this Thursday. And holy hell has this been emotional. Not in an “Oh I’m so hormonal” kind of way. But I’m not going to sugarcoat it, because so many of my sisters (especially those that have also miscarried) deserve to know the truth. Getting pregnant again after miscarriage is tough. It’s exciting and thrilling, but it’s also terrifying and stressful. I’m going to get into all of it and be honest about it.
I’m nosy, so here are all the questions I want to know when I find out someone is pregnant.
How did you feel when you found out?
When the test came out positive, I didn’t feel much of anything. I didn’t feel the shock and excitement. I wasn’t immediately terrified. I kind of just didn’t believe it. It didn’t feel real. It didn’t help that my husband had no idea how to read the tests and really didn’t even think we were pregnant (oh, men). I took a few more tests, and realized it was definitely real. It just needed to sink in.
Once it sank in, I felt trepidatious and hesitant. I wanted to be excited and connect with my baby, but because of what happened before, I was so nervous. What if it happened again? I thought I would die. I literally thought I couldn’t make it through that again.
In the following weeks, it got worse. Some things were happening that really freaked me out regarding the pregnancy, and even though it turned out to be harmless – I didn’t know that at the time. I was often hysterical, thinking the worst. I will get more into detail with pregnancy updates starting from week four on, but I don’t want to detail that info here. So stay tuned for all the details!
How and when did you find out?
Scott and I moved into our new house in late February. We immediately conceived – as I suspected we would. I don’t know why, but I intuitively felt that living in our condo in the city just wasn’t going to be where a baby came to us. I have no idea why and I recognize that that probably sounds really weird, but I just felt like we weren’t going to conceive there.
Because I track my cycles using the method outlined in Taking Charge of Your Fertility – which has allowed me to hold off on pregnancy for years, and get pregnant both times – I knew exactly when my period was due. So I took a test the day before, and found out at four weeks.
We moved into our new place at the end of February, and by the end of March I find out I’m knocked up. The day before we were throwing my best friend a surprise birthday party at the house. So I pretended to drink booze with everyone, but was really carrying around kombucha. Basically, we conceived as soon as we were in the house. Funny how that happens.
How did you tell your husband?
He was there when I took the test. The first time we got pregnant, I took the test when he was at work and told him it was negative. I then made him a cake that said “THANKS FOR KNOCKING ME UP!” and gave it to him when he got home from work that day.
When that pregnancy didn’t pan out, I couldn’t stop thinking about that cake. It broke my heart. This time, it was all just too emotional. I needed him to be there right when I was taking the test. And in typical guy fashion, “What the hell does this mean? Are you pregnant or not? HOW DO YOU READ THESE THINGS?!”
He didn’t believe it. Oddly enough, the cheap tests were all positive while the expensive digital test was negative. I went to CVS and bought even more tests, which all came out positive and texted the pictures to him at work. He had to show them to our friend and his office assistant, a woman, and ask her if they were positive. To which she replied “YES!!” Then he finally believed it.
How long were you trying?
We miscarried in September and didn’t really try for two months after that. We did try again in those following months, but I’m not sure how closely I followed my ovulation schedule. It took us about three months.
Did you feel nauseous, exhausted, emotional, etc?
I didn’t feel much at first. I was so desperately hoping to have all the horrible pregnancy symptoms I heard about, just to be reminded that I was pregnant and because these are often indicative of a viable pregnancy.
By the 6th or 7th week, I got what I asked for. I took two naps a day, I went to bed at 10pm and woke up at 7am. I gagged violently and often puked. And I freaking LOVED IT.
Don’t let anyone tell you how horrible the first trimester is. It’s different for everyone, and a lot of it is based on that person’s perspective. Some women have severe nausea and food aversions and can hardly eat. Some women feel completely normal. And some women just like to complain. Another woman’s experience is not indicative of what your experience will be.
I can’t tell you how many women have told me the first trimester was absolutely horrible and that they regularly felt nauseous but never puked (apparently this is extremely common). Let me tell you something – if you feel nauseous but never puke, your nausea is not that bad. There was a distinct difference between my regular nausea and when I knew I was going to actually vomit. The latter was way worse. And I was vomiting 3-4 times a week. And it wasn’t that bad!
That’s my perspective. I dealt with a lot of nausea throughout the day, and seriously loud, doubled over gagging and occasional vomiting – and it was manageable. In fact, I loved it.
I once was running to the bathroom to puke, but couldn’t make it. I puked in our kitchen sink and sent my husband a text saying “Wooo! Just puked in the sink!”
I just loved having the symptoms!
When are you due?
Will you find out the sex?
HECK. YES. I am the nosiest person ever. I have no idea how anyone doesn’t find out the gender of their baby. I HAVE to know. We got some genetic screening done via blood work that also detects the sex of the baby, we get that back this week and I can’t wait!
How are you feeling now that you’re in the second trimester?
I feel great. I’m less tired and less nauseous. I still have trouble not gagging when I brush my teeth, but that’s about it. No vomiting and I’m napping at most once a day a few times a week. I’m getting great sleep. I still go to bed around 10pm and naturally wake up before my alarm at 7am.
I’m also incredibly happy. I’m thankful. And I’m so effing excited.
I can’t wait to meet this lil’ babe, put together the nursery, grow our family and become a mama. I feel so incredibly content. I’m still a little nervous, but in the way that any pregnant woman is. I want everything to go well and my baby to be healthy.
But overall, I’m just happy. I’m grateful to be pregnant again. I think about having a baby and how huge that is! Scott and I are talking a lot about how we want to raise the baby, the kind of parents we want to be, things we want to do with the baby. It just makes me so happy!
Are you showing?
Not really. Kind of just look like I ate too many tacos. Oddly enough, my love handles have gotten bigger – which is annoying! Gimme the cute bump, not the love handles!
Have you gained weight?
I actually have yet to gain any weight. I haven’t lost any, I’m just maintaining around 133 lbs. This is not purposeful. I’m eating when I’m hungry and making sure to eat a ton of nutrients and healthy fats. I’m also exercising regularly. I think because I am so focused on eating well and exercising, more so than I have ever been, my weight has just maintained.
This blog won’t turn into a pregnancy blog, but I will be doing weekly updates surrounding my pregnancy. If for no other reason that I enjoy reading them on other people’s blogs. I will still provide recipes, DIY stuff, health articles, etc. in addition to these updates. I will detail what I’m eating, how I’m feeling, tests I’m getting, how I’m preparing for birth, etc.
Thank you + I love you all.
When I miscarried, it shattered me. I was heartbroken and terrified and physically ill. I can hardly even use the word now and often refer to it as “what happened before.” I don’t want to think about it, but it’s a part of my past – like it is for so many of you. Miscarriage is incredibly common and it’s incredibly difficult. We often gloss over it as a society, encouraging women to not announce their pregnancies until the second trimester, which in turn encourages women to suffer in silence when it does happen.
So many of you were there for me. I received so many emails and comments. I couldn’t even respond to a lot of them, because I would just cry hysterically. To this day, I haven’t approved all the comments on the miscarriage post because I just can’t bring myself to look at them. I’m not there yet.
Thank you all for being there, even just for reading the blog. Even if you never comment or email, thank you. And for those of you who do comment and email – you have no idea how moving, how healing, how touching it is. I’m so excited to share our journey with you!